Two and a Half Men episodes
Two and a Half Men
(2003 - Present) on CBSSeason 1 Episode Guide
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Season 1, Episode 0 | Unknown Most Chicks Won't Eat Veal: Original Pilot
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Season 1, Episode 2 | September 29th, 2003 Big Flappy Bastards
Unsure how to properly discipline Jake, Charlie ignores him after the child "forgets" to stop feeding the seagulls and leaves the door open. As a result, the gaggle of birds enters the house. Meanwhile,... more
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Season 1, Episode 3 | October 6th, 2003 Go East on Sunset Until You Reach the Gates of Hell
When Alan's attempt to provide Jake with a fun-filled father/son weekend backfires, Charlie tries to console his brother by taking him to a local bar and getting Alan totally inebriated. As Alan and Charlie... more
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Season 1, Episode 4 | October 13th, 2003 If I Can't Write My Chocolate Song, I'm Going to Take a Nap
Charlie's longtime cleaning lady, Berta (recurring guest star CONCHATA FERRELL), quits her job, and Charlie quickly realizes he can't function without her. When Alan tries to take Berta's place but doesn't... more
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Season 1, Episode 5 | October 20th, 2003 The Last Thing You Want to Do Is Wind Up with a Hump
After a drunken night in Las Vegas, Charlie reluctantly attends one of Jake's soccer games. But Alan and Charlie soon discover the advantages of going to these matches. The players' mothers are quite attractive,... more
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Season 1, Episode 6 | October 27th, 2003 Did You Check with the Captain of the Flying Monkeys?
Charlie rethinks the way he treats women when he, Alan and Jake are forced to cheer up a pitiful Evelyn after her serious new boyfriend terminates their relationship. Meanwhile, Charlie teaches Jake some... more
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Season 1, Episode 7 | November 3rd, 2003 If They Do Go Either Way They're Usually Fake
Charlie's beautiful friend Cindy (KRISTIN DATTILO) frequently showers at Charlie's house after surfing. When Jake sees a butterfly tattoo on Cindy's partially nude behind and later draws a picture of it... more
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Season 1, Episode 8 | November 10th, 2003 Twenty-five Little Pre-pubers Without a Snoot-ful
When Alan and Judith argue during a rehearsal of a play that Jake and his classmates are rehearsing, Charlie is forced to handle a roomful of fourth graders alone. The kids think Charlie is a loser until... more
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Season 1, Episode 9 | November 17th, 2003 Phase One, Complete
Charlie likes his sweet new girlfriend, Wendy (MYNDY CRIST), but he becomes concerned when Jake forms a strong friendship with her. When Wendy charms Evelyn as well, Charlie worries that Wendy is expecting... more
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Season 1, Episode 10 | November 24th, 2003 Merry Thanksgiving
When Charlie finds out that his favorite former girlfriend, Lisa (DENISE RICHARDS - "Scary Movie 3," "Undercover Brother"), is getting married, he desperately tries to prove to her that he has become a... more
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Season 1, Episode 11 | December 15th, 2003 Alan Harper, Frontier Chiropractor
Charlie and Jake convince Alan to get a makeover when it appears Judith is moving forward since the breakup, sporting a new hairdo and new date. Alan realizes he may truly be in need of a change when his... more
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Season 1, Episode 12 | January 5th, 2004 Camel Filters and Pheremones
When Charlie's cleaning woman, Berta (recurring guest star CONCHATA FERRELL), brings her sexy and rebellious 16-year-old daughter, Prudence (MEGAN FOX), to Charlie's house, Jake develops a childish infatuation... more
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Season 1, Episode 13 | January 12th, 2004 Sara Like Puny Alan
Alan worries that Charlie will become infected with Jake's contagious cold; however, Alan gets sick instead. Jake heals, and Charlie is fine. Desperate to get a date with a sexy woman, Charlie volunteers... more
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Season 1, Episode 14 | February 2nd, 2004 I Can't Afford Hyenas
When Charlie learns that his credit rating is ruined, and his debts are all overdue, he discovers that his accountant, Stan (RICHARD LEWIS), is completely inept. At Alan's urging, Charlie tries to reduce... more
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Season 1, Episode 15 | February 9th, 2004 Round One to the Hot Crazy Chick
Charlie and Alan find Frankie (recurring guest star JENNA ELFMAN - "Dharma & Greg," "Looney Tunes: Back in Action"), a sexy but seemingly crazy woman, hitting a car with a baseball bat. Despite Alan's... more
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Season 1, Episode 16 | February 16th, 2004 That Was Saliva, Alan
Frankie (recurring guest star JENNA ELFMAN), the beautiful and intriguing lady whom Charlie and Alan brought home after finding her bashing her therapist's car with a baseball bat, explains why she's in... more
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Season 1, Episode 17 | February 23rd, 2004 Ate the Hamburgers, Wearing the Hats
Alan offends Charlie by choosing their crazy cousins as Jake's guardians if he and Judith were to die. Later, Alan does some errands and leaves Jake with Charlie, who's still sulking over Alan's will.... more
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Season 1, Episode 18 | March 1st, 2004 An Old Flame with a New Wick
Charlie agrees to meet with a former girlfriend who ended their relationship years earlier, leaving Charlie devastated. But Charlie's in for a huge surprise when he discovers that she is now a he, and... more
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Season 1, Episode 19 | March 22nd, 2004 I Remember the Coatroom, I Just Don't Remember You
Judith's sinister-but-sexy sister, Liz (TERI HATCHER - "Lois & Clark: The New Adventures of Superman," "Tomorrow Never Dies"), plans to attend Jake's 11th birthday party. Alan asks Charlie--who had sex... more
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Season 1, Episode 20 | April 19th, 2004 Hey, I Can Pee Outside in the Dark
Jake becomes a brooding musician when he continuously plays "Smoke on the Water" on his guitar with an ever-present grumpy attitude. In order to cheer him up, Alan tries a father/son chat, Charlie offers... more
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Season 1, Episode 21 | May 3rd, 2004 No Sniffing, No Wowing
Alan takes Charlie to meet with his sexy and determined divorce attorney, Laura (HEATHER LOCKLEAR - "Spin City," "Melrose Place"), after Judith expresses concern that Charlie is a bad influence on Jake.... more
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Season 1, Episode 22 | May 10th, 2004 My Doctor Has a Cow Puppet
Alan succumbs to Judith's demand that they take Jake to therapy every week because "it's what all the other divorced parents are doing," but he doesn't realize that he, too, is having issues ... with sleepwalking.... more
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Season 1, Episode 23 | May 17th, 2004 Just Like Buffalo
When Jake imitates one of Charlie's sexist remarks in front of Judith's support group, the women decide that Charlie's home is an unfit environment for the child. With the women's approval, Judith agrees... more
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Season 1, Episode 24 | May 24th, 2004 Can You Feel My Finger
One of Charlie's many women fears she's pregnant, and Charlie is relieved when the lady finds out she's not. When Alan realizes that this is not Charlie's first pregnancy scare, he suggests a permanent... more
