Season 3, Episode 17 | January 17th, 2002
Brian frets that he will never find an intelligent woman to love; after drinking heavily, he is charged by Joe for drunk driving. As part of his community service, he is sentenced to participate in the "Outreach to the Elderly" program and is assigned to a mean-tempered, elderly shut-in named Pearl Burton. Brian tries to deal with Pearl as patiently as he can, but after absorbing her abuse for several weeks, he loses his temper, releases his own storm of verbal abuse upon her and storms away.
Watching television that night, Brian sees a Mysteries and Scandals episode on E! about Pearl. From 1945 to 1960, she was a very successful jingle singer who was attractive and possessed a beautiful voice. Her attempt to become a normal, serious singer was a failure; in her 1961 debut at Carnegie Hall, the audience simply kept demanding that she perform their favorite jingles. After this disgrace, she disappeared from the public eye.
Brian is amazed to discover that there is much more to Pearl that meets the eye. He returns to Pearl's house just as she is preparing to hang herself. Narrowly preventing her death, he apologizes to her and tells her that he had never heard a more beautiful version of "Habanera" (from Georges Bizet's opera Carmen) before. Brian spends much more time with Pearl on a voluntary basis, and they grow very close and affectionate. Through an extravagant musical number, Brian encourages Pearl to overcome her agoraphobia.
Heartened by Brian's belief in her, Pearl strides proudly into the street, where she is immediately hit by a truck. Brian accompanies her to the hospital, where Pearl tells him not to blame himself because "aside from the truck part" it had been the best day of her life. She tells Brian that she wish that could spend a little more time together. Brian tells her they can. Brian shares a virtual reality experience with her in which they marry, have children and grow old together. As the vision finishes, Pearl quietly dies.
Meanwhile, Peter decides to grow a beard and a rare bird nests in his facial hair. He wants to shave it off, but he changes his mind upon learning that the bird is an endangered species. Initially irritated by the squawking, Peter is delighted to discover that three baby birds are growing in his beard. Peter's paternal instincts take over and he becomes a better parent to the birds than he ever was to his own children. When they mature, he tries to keep them from leaving his beard, but he finally has to bid them a sad farewell.